eettss waiinninggg.

THIS DECISION WAS A GOOD ONE.

You had plenty money, 1922
You let other women make a fool of you
Why don't you do right, like some other men do?
Get out of here and get me some money too

You're sittin' there and wonderin' what it's all about
You ain't got no money, they will put you out
Why don't you do right, like some other men do?
Get out of here and get me some money too

If you had prepared twenty years ago
You wouldn't be a-wanderin' from door to door
Why don't you do right, like some other men do?
Get out of here and get me some money too

I fell for your jivin' and I took you in
Now all you got to offer me's a drink of gin
Why don't you do right, like some other men do?
Get out of here and get me some money too
Why don't you do right, like some other men do?
Like some other men do

womp womp wompppp

myy headd hurtsss. mehhhh. this is how i feel. only less adorable. i definitely feel less adorable than that. i want to go auburn. tell me this decision was a good one, because i know im going to go do it. thats the way i am. i do these things. you only live once, why not do something that terrifies you? blonde is so comfortable for me. time to get unfuckingcomfortable. and then, i will have been a blonde, a brunette, a dirty blonde and a semi-redhead, and with great confidence i will be able to say that none of them have more fun. i have more fun. so there. 


im constantly in a state of mindblank. im not even sure what to ramble about, and thats not like me. i think theres something wrong with me. im not feeling myself lately. i wish i had money to get my other tattoos. i wish i had more skin. i wish society lacked the stigma.


you know what songs been stuck in my head for forever, that one from cinderella. she was never one of my favorite princesses as a child, but recently ive been relating to her for some reason. and humming a lot. ill probably sing it to roxannes children.

A dream is a wish your heart makes

When you're fast asleep

In dreams you lose your heartaches

Whatever you wish for, you keep

Have faith in your dreams and someday

Your rainbow will come smiling through

No matter how your heart is grieving

If you keep on believing

the dream that you wish will come true

if only.

chocolate covered coffeebeans

you. will. 


thats put simply enough i think. i should start studying.. well should have started studying 2 minutes ago.. but its been so long since ive said anything that i thought id dropp onn overr. especially since i stumbled upon someone elses blog-- miraculously informing me how NOT to freak out in times of pressure and how the world will indeed keep turning if all goes to shit.


which it wont.


but its little things like this that convince me of fate. destiny? everyone views fate as such cruel terminology. that "no one can escape their fate" ahh oh no! but destiny sounds so.. lame. so many things happen to me because of fate. if i hadnt met brian in my independent study, i wouldnt know some of my favorite people at penn state. and if i hadnt worked for gus, i probably wouldnt be in that independent study. and if my mom hadnt worked for his wife, i probably wouldnt work for gus. so, well, there you go. everything happens for a reason. and so far, i feel very fortunate for the way everythings turning out. 
side note. im note sure why whenever i feel strongly about something i have the undeniable urge to get it tattooed. i guess as a constant reminder.. and some beautiful piece of artwork. its so easy to get caught up and forget these days. as soon as i had the idea to get hieroglyphics i wanted fate. because the egyptians are all about that concept. but apparently, according to my professor (with a genius of a husband and two houses in egypt) fate is regarded very negatively. iii dont want that. but i would like hieroglyphics.. if i had more skin id totally get the song from the tomb of king intef.


hedonism, atheism. at its finest. no ones listening and your time is short so live while you can and love everyone. and everything. ha - ancient pleasure seekers.


but yes hieroglyphics, a lotus blossom, and and expansion on my orchids. and what an interesting canvas id be.


if i were to write qualifications out for a guy for me to potentially be in a relationship with, i believe they would go as follows:

1. You must be able to make me laugh
2. I must feel like myself around you
3. We must be able to have quality conversations
4. You must have at least one romantic bone in your body
5. You must be absolutely unattainable


apparently i dont go for anyone i can have, and this pattern is becoming more painstakingly obvious. why cant i just be interested in someone that is available? no one available is interested in me.


most recent- forbidden. (well its obvious why i wanted this one.)
now- taken. (apparently i like a challenge)
previous- emotionally elsewhere. (impossible)
much previous- age gap. (but DELICIOUS)
several- out of state. (long distance.. i can do it!..not)
most common- douche bag. (we all know douchebags are unattainable)


story. of. my. life.
but, what can you do? go wash the taste of toad out of your mouth and pucker up for that prince? wait for another degenerate to fall into my lap as i repeat this awesome process again, and again..they say good things come to those who wait. they also say a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, and i have no idea what that is in reference to, and what that person is going to do with that poor bird.


well. im going to eat a few more dark chocolate covered coffee beans, (which mother dearest so kindly doted upon me for finals week) and im going to rock this studying. until 145! when  i can relax again. oh, and then read my brains out, because ill be studying an obscene amount for egyptian mythology. but thats beside the point.


goodbye! ciao! zaijian!


namaste.