its kind of silly starting this out with im speechless because i do have a lot to say. but sometimes i become so enraptured with how beautiful a day is that i really dont know how to describe it. and today is one of those days. im pretty sure one of my favorite things is looking up and seeing the sun shine through all of the different layers of leaves, and then looking down and watching the shadow patterns play on the pavement. i love the sun. i love everything about it. the way it dances on the bottom of pools, and sparkles on the top of the ocean, the way it feels when it warms my skin and how bronzed i get in the summer.
so i dont believe in a god. but i do believe in the sun. so i suppose you would say i am a sun worshipper. the ancient egyptians and i would have gotten along well.. well at least akhenaten and i would have..
im really not sure how this day could get any better. i got a free boston cream donut (because its donut day?!) no work.. no scm (doctors visit) theres literally not a cloud in the sky. i am wearing my favorite dress. i got paid today. i am sitting at one of my favorite spots on campus. i had one of my favorite subs for lunch. i am going to see my friend tonight who i havent seen in forever-and im having breakfast tomorrow morning with a bunch of friends. some of which i havent seen since high school.
its just all really nice. they did screw up (well i screwed up) my coffee at DD, but its coffee.. whos really going to complain about that. theres a nice bird singing in a tree somewhere and the fountain almost sounds like the ocean ..its a little too repetitive.
speaking of birds. theres this bird outside my window at my house that sounds like a dying baby. im not sure if its a human baby but seriously like a dying baby moose or something. im not sure what the fuck is wrong with it, but it sure missed the seminar on beautiful birdsong. good way to wake up in the morning. dying babies. NICE.
so i initially got on here to write about this Buddhist experience i just had. well, more like anti Buddhist.. but interesting all the same. i got distracted. but thats what i do.. anyway. one of those giant black ants crawled on my foot. those big fuckers. so i shooed it off and went to step on it but it ran away, and i thought better of myself because hey, what did he do to me anyway? tickle my foot a little? its not like he bit me. so then i saw a fly. and i went to step on that. because 1. im still in 3rd grade, didnt you know? and 2. theres no way im going to step on a fly. they fly away. so.. i killed it. and i instantly felt so bad, it was so weird, that i thought some little red robed bald monk was going to slap me with a bamboo rod. everything has a right to live! even a fly. wtfs wrong with me?! so i put a leaf over it and felt bad about myself.
until i saw that annoying ant come over and start climbing all over it. (circle of life started playing in my head, is that weird?)i watched this ant for..god it had to be 15 minutes turn this fly over and over ripping its wings off and eventually cutting it into segments. first i thought it was going to pick it up (because ive heard of how strong those little buggers are) and then i just thought it was being cruel. but not two minutes ago i just saw a couple ants come over and pick up the pieces and run off with them. did i just supply lunch for some bugs? huh.
so. with that long, drawn out analogy, i guess this just further supports my theory that "everything happens for a reason."
i hate how fate has such a negative connotation.
cant fate, personally, be a good thing? because i cant think of anything thats happened to me that hasnt happened because of fate.
have i written about this before? i guess i feel strongly about it. hmmmm.
well, there goes the last piece. enjoy your lunch little guys..
<3
Friday, June 3, 2011
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
what is wrong with me
i have come to the conclusion that i just dont care. i dont. and regarding certain issues, i think life is too short to care, to be honest. when i look back and think about all the times i risk humiliation its actually hilarious. but seriously enough with all the shit talkers who "live life in the moment." are you? or are you saying you are. because i think im the one who said i was going to get my tongue pierced and did it instead of just talking about it. and jumped out of air planes. and applied to study abroad in china.
my latest risk taking habit is telling people how i feel. whether i know them or not. and heres my reasoning. theres really no particular order to this, but i think it all makes sense. at least to me.
1. lifes short. say everything you can to everyone you can, while you can. why not?
2. im pretty sure id be flattered if someone just randomly said to me, hey, i dont know you, but i think youre lovely. that would make my day.
3. peoples days arent made enough. someone random smiled at me when i was walking to class the other day, and for some reason that tiny half smile made me feel awesome for the following 15 minutes. its the little things, it really is.
so while i was at work, procrastinating because this summer heat is preventing me from concentrating on much else (besides facebook and sleep) i happened upon some guys profile after visiting a friend, and a friend, and a friend.. you know. the trail. so i lazily clicked through his profile pictures and i was literally captivated by one. if captivated doesnt sound lame and cliche enough, but that's the best way to describe it. it was artsy. not, zomg-FRIENDME artsy. but helloigotoanartschool artistic. like, if i had a type, this guy would be reaaal close to being it. i suppose this is what love at first sight feels like? ive never been so drawn to someone ive never met before.
OH you SILLY GIRL listen to YOU.
but its true. as silly as it sounds. anyway..along with my unfailing belief in hating "what ifs" ive taken on this habit of "not thinking and just doing." soooo i just clicked the message button and started off with some awkward sentence that said something along the lines of.. hey! so, you dont know me..
im a real charmer, right? i know. but seriously. ive never felt so compelled to tell someone how attracted i was to them. and again i was never so compelled to tell them to completely disregard that "horrendously embarrassing" message.
i just hope they smiled. thats all i want out of it. and a genuine smile. and maybe experience that 15 minutes of happiness i felt after that random stranger gave me that half smile on the way to class. because there arent enough acts of random kindness in the world, you know?
my latest risk taking habit is telling people how i feel. whether i know them or not. and heres my reasoning. theres really no particular order to this, but i think it all makes sense. at least to me.
1. lifes short. say everything you can to everyone you can, while you can. why not?
2. im pretty sure id be flattered if someone just randomly said to me, hey, i dont know you, but i think youre lovely. that would make my day.
3. peoples days arent made enough. someone random smiled at me when i was walking to class the other day, and for some reason that tiny half smile made me feel awesome for the following 15 minutes. its the little things, it really is.
so while i was at work, procrastinating because this summer heat is preventing me from concentrating on much else (besides facebook and sleep) i happened upon some guys profile after visiting a friend, and a friend, and a friend.. you know. the trail. so i lazily clicked through his profile pictures and i was literally captivated by one. if captivated doesnt sound lame and cliche enough, but that's the best way to describe it. it was artsy. not, zomg-FRIENDME artsy. but helloigotoanartschool artistic. like, if i had a type, this guy would be reaaal close to being it. i suppose this is what love at first sight feels like? ive never been so drawn to someone ive never met before.
OH you SILLY GIRL listen to YOU.
but its true. as silly as it sounds. anyway..along with my unfailing belief in hating "what ifs" ive taken on this habit of "not thinking and just doing." soooo i just clicked the message button and started off with some awkward sentence that said something along the lines of.. hey! so, you dont know me..
im a real charmer, right? i know. but seriously. ive never felt so compelled to tell someone how attracted i was to them. and again i was never so compelled to tell them to completely disregard that "horrendously embarrassing" message.
i just hope they smiled. thats all i want out of it. and a genuine smile. and maybe experience that 15 minutes of happiness i felt after that random stranger gave me that half smile on the way to class. because there arent enough acts of random kindness in the world, you know?
england hooooo!
so its june first. 1st. 11:05 am. i should be doing some english work, but instead im munching on some veggies and sipping away at my liter bottle of water. it is approximately 85 degrees outside right now. well, at least it was at NINE AM THIS MORNING. 9 am. why do i feel the need to write out numbers? whatever. anyway. its hot as satans balls outside, and i am lovviiinnggg ittt. however, it is increasing my desire for ice cream tenfold, and this is a problem for my waistline. ESPECIALLY because ill be hitting the beach in NO FEWER than 24 days. that will be an interes- amazing vacation. who am i kidding.. every day on the beach from 11 am to 4 pm? laying there and doing nothing? perfection. i want to be black when i get back. lets be serious.
the roof of my mouth is torn to pieces from honey graham Oh's! its a very excited cereal, very excited to cause me BODILY HARM. captain crunch for adults. just as sweet and equally as painful. even more difficult to stop eating. partially hate myself for every bowl in the morning, but its sooo gooooddd. whatever. at 11:15 i will actually begin doing some work. so.
we booked the tickets for england yesterday. or was it the day before? doesnt matter. excited. out of my mind. wedding.. well.. not wedding. clubbing. tattoo. family. shenanigans. its going to be insane. probably the best vacation of my life. because no one will have children and we'll all be beautiful and get drunk and it will be fabulous. i cant wait. i cant stand it. i can wait.. cause when i get back i immediately begin classes. fuck.. not gonna think about it. ENGLANDDDD.
gonna end on a high note. gonna procrastinate for three more glorious minutes, because i hate english 202d. smd.
<3
the roof of my mouth is torn to pieces from honey graham Oh's! its a very excited cereal, very excited to cause me BODILY HARM. captain crunch for adults. just as sweet and equally as painful. even more difficult to stop eating. partially hate myself for every bowl in the morning, but its sooo gooooddd. whatever. at 11:15 i will actually begin doing some work. so.
we booked the tickets for england yesterday. or was it the day before? doesnt matter. excited. out of my mind. wedding.. well.. not wedding. clubbing. tattoo. family. shenanigans. its going to be insane. probably the best vacation of my life. because no one will have children and we'll all be beautiful and get drunk and it will be fabulous. i cant wait. i cant stand it. i can wait.. cause when i get back i immediately begin classes. fuck.. not gonna think about it. ENGLANDDDD.
gonna end on a high note. gonna procrastinate for three more glorious minutes, because i hate english 202d. smd.
<3
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)