i am having a current internal battle with myself. because i want to live. i have hit the mid january/feburary/marchwinteristoolongwhyisitsunnyandnotwarm-rut.. and have forgotten what the happy butterflies and warm sensation of feeling relaxed when all is right with the world feels like. its so easy to get caught up in things we have to do. and get dragged down by them. by cleaning and spending money we dont have, and working- at jobs and at school. i see all of these books that tell me little things i can do to make me a happier person. and they tell me things like sing in the shower. drink lots of water. eat tofu and salmon, dark chocolate and tea, and fruit. do yoga. get lots of sleep. speak your mind. do something that scares you. be spontaneous. procrastinate. make a list and check everything off. treat yourself. well what happens when you do all of these things and you're still stuck in that rut? you can only breathe so deep, drink so much green tea and tie yourself up into so many yoga knots.
how do you release from the anxiety then?
how do you hold on to the beautiful feeling when you feel it, and why are those moments always so fleeting? hmm.
i just want to sit in the sun, with a glass of iced tea and lemon. in a sun dress. by the ocean.
also. memo to me. you. listen now, commitmentphobe.
you know that little person that starts kickboxing your abdomen whenever youre with someone whos potentially really good for you? who makes you look for some kind of something wrong with a perfectly fine situation? evict them, now.
im starting to think you like being miserable. at least the kickboxing guy does. well enough.
when have you felt so comfortable? or happy? when have you looked someone and just melted on the spot? and how many knots does your stomach tie into whenever he kisses you hmm?
patience is a virtue. nothing worth having comes easily.
ps. these sushi cravings are getting absolutely ridiculous
i seriously wish i could eat sushi everyday. like now actually, i could go for some sushi RIGHTMEOW.
No comments:
Post a Comment