im speechless.

its kind of silly starting this out with im speechless because i do have a lot to say. but sometimes i become so enraptured with how beautiful a day is that i really dont know how to describe it. and today is one of those days. im pretty sure one of my favorite things is looking up and seeing the sun shine through all of the different layers of leaves, and then looking down and watching the shadow patterns play on the pavement. i love the sun. i love everything about it. the way it dances on the bottom of pools, and sparkles on the top of the ocean, the way it feels when it warms my skin and how bronzed i get in the summer. 


so i dont believe in a god. but i do believe in the sun. so i suppose you would say i am a sun worshipper. the ancient egyptians and i would have gotten along well.. well at least akhenaten and i would have..


im really not sure how this day could get any better. i got a free boston cream donut (because its donut day?!) no work.. no scm (doctors visit) theres literally not a cloud in the sky. i am wearing my favorite dress. i got paid today. i am sitting at one of my favorite spots on campus. i had one of my favorite subs for lunch. i am going to see my friend tonight who i havent seen in forever-and im having breakfast tomorrow morning with a bunch of friends. some of which i havent seen since high school.


its just all really nice. they did screw up (well i screwed up) my coffee at DD, but its coffee.. whos really going to complain about that. theres a nice bird singing in a tree somewhere and the fountain almost sounds like the ocean ..its a little too repetitive. 


speaking of birds. theres this bird outside my window at my house that sounds like a dying baby. im not sure if its a human baby but seriously like a dying baby moose or something. im not sure what the fuck is wrong with it, but it sure missed the seminar on beautiful birdsong. good way to wake up in the morning. dying babies. NICE.


so i initially got on here to write about this Buddhist experience i just had. well, more like anti Buddhist.. but interesting all the same. i got distracted. but thats what i do.. anyway. one of those giant black ants crawled on my foot. those big fuckers. so i shooed it off and went to step on it but it ran away, and i thought better of myself because hey, what did he do to me anyway? tickle my foot a little? its not like he bit me. so then i saw a fly. and i went to step on that. because 1. im still in 3rd grade, didnt you know? and 2. theres no way im going to step on a fly. they fly away. so.. i killed it. and i instantly felt so bad, it was so weird, that i thought some little red robed bald monk was going to slap me with a bamboo rod. everything has a right to live! even a fly. wtfs wrong with me?! so i put a leaf over it and felt bad about myself. 


until i saw that annoying ant come over and start climbing all over it. (circle of life started playing in my head, is that weird?)i watched this ant for..god it had to be 15 minutes turn this fly over and over ripping its wings off and eventually cutting it into segments. first i thought it was going to pick it up (because ive heard of how strong those little buggers are) and then i just thought it was being cruel. but not two minutes ago i just saw a couple ants come over and pick up the pieces and run off with them. did i just supply lunch for some bugs? huh.


so. with that long, drawn out analogy, i guess this just further supports my theory that "everything happens for a reason."
i hate how fate has such a negative connotation.
cant fate, personally, be a good thing? because i cant think of anything thats happened to me that hasnt happened because of fate.


have i written about this before? i guess i feel strongly about it. hmmmm.


well, there goes the last piece. enjoy your lunch little guys..


<3